Hi, my name is Chris Zjvenachi.

That name may mean nothing to you, and I for one hope to keep it that way. But a name that might mean something to you is the name Candy Suxx, especially if you have ever lived in Vice City, Liberty City, or Carser City.

For those of you unfamiliar with Candy Suxx, you must live in a small quiet town away from the sleaze and grime of big city life ... I envy you. Candy Suxx was an "Exotic Dancer" (stripper) turned "Adult Movie Star" (Porno Actress) turned "Junkie Has-been" turned "Corpse" ... if you want a blunt summary.

But before Candy was any of those things, she was my girlfriend, mine ... Chris Zjvenachi.

Now I bet your itching to find out who I am right?

I was born in Vice City just like Candy was (by the way that's her "stage" name, as a mark of respect I won't reveal her real name). Vice City was a beautiful town when Candy and I were growing up, it was sunny, safe, & spectacular. It didn't stay that way.

Candy and I had been childhood friends, and by the time we finished school we realized we were more than that. At that time we both knew what we wanted to do with our lives, Candy wanted to be a singer, and I wanted to be a journalist, the common ground was that we both wanted our names known, and to contribute to the world, or at least our small corner of it.

I got a job with the Prawn Post, the community newspaper for Prawn Island, which for those who don't know is situated in Vice City. I was originally from the other side of Vice City although I had been to Prawn Island many times (it's not a far travel), I knew when I took the job for the newspaper that on my trip across the bridge to Prawn Island would be the last time I would see the Welcome Sign as a visitor, I was going to be a local.

Welcome Sign to Prawn Island

After a few months when I was set up in Prawn Island I asked Candy to move in with me, she did, our future was really looking bright.

Well, Candy's wasn't. She was finding it hard to get gigs as a singer, even in local clubs. I am ashamed to admit this, but Candy's voice was not the best in the world ... not even the best in the neighbourhood. But Candy was a stunner, drop dead gorgeous body with the cutest face that could make you smile, I often wondered what she saw in a mug like me? I was happy to have Candy as a housewife and mother to my children, I could be the breadwinner ... yet that's an awfully selfish attitude, I know. I didn't really help as much as I could in the begining to get Candy gigs at clubs, sure whenever she did get a gig I would lie in my column in the paper and say she was an up and coming star because of her voice, I was wrong, and everybody knew it, even Candy.

Candy's mouth would eventually be famous, but not for her singing unfortunately. Yet in my lies (done for love) I was half right, she would be an up and coming (no pun intended) star, also unfortunately.

So lets get straight to it, the question you all want answered: "How did Candy get into Porno work?".

The clubs Candy seeked gigs at were sometimes a little sleazy, one club in Vice City, the Malibu had topless dancers every Tuesday night. Candy went to the club seeking a singing gig, and was asked if she wanted to do the Tuesday night thing, she accepted, and didn't tell me.

To be honest I can understand why she did it now in hindsight, here we were as a couple in love, equals, yet career wise I was succeeding in my dreams (slowly, I mean I was only a community newspaper columnist/reporter), and her dreams were fading away ... despite how many lying "rave" reviews I gave about the handful of singing gigs she managed to land.

I eventually found out what Candy was doing when I was sent to the Malibu on a Tuesday night to do a report on the great success the club was having with a special "star". So there I am, front row in the Malibu waiting for the curtains to open and the star topless dancer to emerge with her enterage of other topless dancers, when out walks Candy.

So I was stunned yadda yadda, I pulled her off the stage, punched the manager, took her home driving like a madman, we had a big fight, she left me.

Ok I made some mistakes, I overreacted ... and I paid the price, she left me. Well actually she was willing to talk it over the next day when she called our house, well MY house now, but I was arrogant and missed my second chance.

I often wonder if both her life and mine could have been so much better if I wasn't such a proud so-and-so ... yet that's life, on with the story.

Candy returned to the Malibu and was still a hit, and eventually she was being managed by the guy I punched in the mouth, I don't remember his name, but he was sleazy and eventually encouraged Candy to do full stripping at other clubs in Vice City, Liberty City, & Carser City.

All these 3 cities were getting worse as time went on. The first to get bad was my very own city, then Carser, and lastly (but not leastly) Liberty, man that place became the worst of them, a pure scum-haven.

It wasn't long before Candy was introduced to Toni Cipriani a Mafioso from Portland (which is a district in Liberty City). Toni Cipriani and his "family" had their hand in everything, and one thing they loved doing was supplying the adult industry with low-budget Pornos that all got theatrical releases in the 3 cities (the cinema owners were forced at gunpoint I bet).

You guessed it, Candy made a bunch of these under Toni's influence, her first though was "See Candy Suxx" (God I hate that name), the poster for it is below:

It was a big hit that raked in alot of money for the Mafia (I bet Candy didn't see any of it), and to think it was made in a scummy Portland warehouse?

Oh you may notice on that poster the film was given 4 stars by the reviewer at the "Prawn Porn Post" ... yup, guess who the reviewer was, and which community newspaper faced hard times and transformed itself into a fully "adult" paper ... MY paper the Prawn Post. I still stuck with my job though, in those days jobs were becoming scarce, immigration was sky high for the 3 cities and if you didn't work you were a crimminal (literally, how else could you get money) ... and I did not want to be a crimminal.

I originally gave the film "SEE CANDY SUXX" a zero, because I was so mad to see the love of my life (well former love of my life) degrading herself like that, but I was forced to change my rating when I got an unexpected knock at my apartment's door (knock = they kicked in my door) and was talked into changing my mind and rating (at gunpoint) by the films makers and distributors (the Mafia, specifically the Leone Mafia of Portland).

From that point on, I was forced to give every one of Candy's films a perfect rating of four stars if I wanted to live.

Candy did a couple of more films in Portland before Toni thought it would be good to film one in the Central Business District of Liberty City, being Staunton Island.

Suprise, suprise it was a big hit (even with a terrible 'tagline' on the poster that made no sense whatsoever) and I gave it four stars and Candy's career continued to grow.

Candy after this film started using drugs or so I've heard, she was really losing it and like many porn stars who say they will stay clean at the begining of their career, she eventually gave in, and had no problems getting drugs from the Leone family, and the scum they are.

Candy made heaps of films, so many that if I listed them all I'd be found dead at my computer from exhaustion, and you'd be dead from boredom, so lets skip forward.

The last film I ever reviewed for the Prawn Porn Post (once known as the honorable community newspaper and un-corrupt "Prawn Post") was the Candy Suxx film "LIKE A CAT IN CHINATOWN", and yes it got four stars, even though it was a total piece of crap only made to spite the Triads in Liberty City, who the Mafia hated moving in on their turf.

Movie Title: "LIKE A CAT IN CHINATOWN" ... the Triads were very unhappy.

This started a huge war that spanned years between the Triads and the Leone family ... Portland was a warzone.

By this stage Candy had really lost her looks and looked older than what she was, her name was starting to mean nothing, and her reputation confined to the glorious past when every man wanted her (I had her first). Candy was a fully blown junkie and had overdosed a few times, I know, I had to visit Liberty City's hospital to do a report on her ... that was hard facing her.

When I walked into the room, a sleazebag who was connected to the Mafia called Luigi was there to check up on Candy. When he saw me he basically told me if I print anything they don't like that I'll quote/unquote "Know where I'll be going". But to be honest by that point I was ready to quit the Post and leave the country, I had seen the crime rates rise and rise and I saved every penny I had to leave, what i didn't know was that I'd be leaving with a very special friend.

Candy told me that the Leone family were going to cut her off and kick her out onto the streets because she was no longer profitable. She also said the Triads were out to kidnap her just to spite the Leone's and to kill her for making the film "LIKE A CAT IN CHINATOWN".

She also told me I had a son ... and asked me to kidnap him as he was currently being protected by the Leone family, who were going to mold him into a fine & loyal 'associate' one day.

Yes I was shocked, but I did the math and it seemed correct, the kid was mine, especially his eyes. Candy said she didn't want to live and that her last Overdose was intentional, she wanted out of life, but was glad she failed, because she wanted to see me one more time and have her son as far away from the Leone's as possible.

Candy was released from hospital 2 days later, and found dead from a drug overdose in Trenton.

Good thing about Liberty City was that you could buy guns without a 'real' permit from a store called "Ammunation", I bought a few items, and cased (watched carefully) Leone's mansion for a month before I would kidnap my son.

I knew the right times when he had minimal security, and the wrong times when everyone in Italy was in the house, and one day I walked into the mansion with a semi-automatic rifle and took out 5 Mafioso's, kidnapped my son, stole a Sentinal (beautiful car) and drove to Francis International Airport, located in Shoreside Vale, Liberty City.

That day my son and I hopped a plane (I had to knock him out unfortunately as he didn't know who I was and was scared), and we fleed to another part of the country, and from there to another country.

In that time I explained to my son everything, and thankfully he believed it, no way could I make an international flight with him screaming "Help, I'm being kidnapped by a stranger!".

And today, My son is a full grown man who has little memory of his time with the Leone family and of his mother (perhaps it's for the best). He moved back to Liberty City unfortunately, for love.

He says he's going to marry some girl called "Catalina" or "Catarina" or something like that, well good luck to him, I hope she's an honest woman who treats him right. (he doesn't talk much).

And that's the end of my story about me and Candy Suxx, I'll never return to the city I was born or neighbouring cities, or even my home country as I'm a marked man to this day, which means I can't reply to letters my son sends me, or warn him of the Leone's and Liberty City ... but he's a smart cookie, just like his dad, but unfortunately a little naive like his mom (God rest her soul).

But I'm sure he'll be just fine with his fiance "Catarina/lina/whatever her name is!!!".